The Unprintable, NSFW Pirate Song, a/k/a "F--k YOU! I'm A Pirate!"

FUCK YOU, I’M A PIRATE (music & lyrics by Dr Harmonious Scott)

I drag my wanna be pirate butt stupid ass
outta my stupid ass bed,
Shuffle off to my stupid ass job,
tryin to keep my stupid ass fed.
And as I scoot my stupid ass pirate butt,
sailin down the freeway to work,
My pirate corsair Honda Accord
gets cut off by a stupid ass jerk.
I wanna grab that stupid ass little jerk
by his little stupid ass throat
Cut him deep from his crotch to his eyeballs,
and blow up his little stupid ass boat
That would be the New Golden Age
Oceans of blood in waves of rage
I just want to pillage and rampage…
And say “Excuse me, I’M A PIRATE”
yeah the heck with you, I’m a pirate…
gosh darn it, I’m a pirate…

(chorus) I’ll park my dinghy right by the door
of ev’ry grocery and liquor store
I won’t pay taxes and I won’t pay bills
I’ll live for rum and wenches and stupid ass thrills,
I’ll never take a shower, sleep ev’ry day till noon.
and say “forget you, I’m a pirate.”
“plunder you, I’m a pirate.”
“pillage you, I’m a pirate.”
aw FUCK YOU, I’M A PIRATE

My stupid ass boss at my stupid ass job
has a stupid ass attitude
He hides his stupid ass in stupid ass meetings
with a bunch of other stupid ass dudes.
They only come out for their stupid ass lunch
or to give me some stupid ass lip
I wanna sink the whole stupid ass lot,
blow up their little stupid ass ships.
I’m gonna grab those little stupid ass jerks,
by their little stupid ass throats,
Cut them deep from crotch to eyeball
and burn their little stupid ass boats.
That’s the start of a Golden Age
Buckets of blood to fuel my rage
Me and my crew will pillage and rampage! (and we be singin)
FUCK YOU, I’M A PIRATE!
FUCK YOU, I’m a pirate,
Awww- I’m a pirate.

(CHORUS) I’ll dock my jolly boat by the door
at the grocery or the liquor store
I won’t pay taxes and I won’t pay bills
I’ll live for rum and wenches and stupid ass thrills
I’ll never take a shower
and I’ll sleep ev’ry day till noon!
FUCK YOU, I’M A PIRATE
uh forget you, I’m a pirate
the heck with you, I’m a pirate
Ahh Fuck it, I’m a pirate…

The stupid ass king can kiss my stupid ass butt
and the stupid ass politicians too.
In fact, ev’ry stupid ass non-pirate jerk
on this stupid ass planet can, too.
Line up all them stupid assed stupid asses,
stupid asses pucker up quick,
Soon as they finish kissin my stupid ass,
they all can suck my stupid ass dick.
I’m gonna sink the whole stupid ass lot,
and blow up their stupid ass ships,
Cut em deep from crotch to eyeball
and cut off their stupid ass lips
Then that will be the New Golden Age
Stupid ass blood to calm my rage
All of us pirates will pillage and rampage
Singing “FUCK YOU, I’M A PIRATE”
“FUCK YOU, I’M A PIRATE”
oh the heck with you, I’m a pirate
forget you, I’m a pirate.
darn it, I’m a pirate
fuck it…pirate.